Saturday, January 9, 2010

Loss

I hesitated to blog about this because very few people knew to begin with, but I decided to because a) it is cathartic and b) when it comes down to it this blog is for our family history.

On Monday, December 28th Trent and I found out that we were going to have another baby.  We were thrilled to be adding to our little family.  The following Sunday Trent left town for work. And that Tuesday I woke up to find what no pregnant woman wants to find.  I went to the doctor that afternoon to have blood drawn and was told that I had what is called a “threatened miscarriage”.  I was sent home with orders to stay on bedrest until Friday and was told that it could go either way.  I spent the next two days doing nothing but praying.  Thursday I went back for my second blood draw (to see if the levels had doubled).  I came home and went back to bed.  A few hours later, I lost our baby.

To say I am devastated is putting it mildly.  Of course, I knew that the thought of losing a baby was horrifying, but it cannot be put into words how horrible it really is when it happens.  My friend told me today that God blesses us with children for HIS greater purpose when HE is ready to use them, not according to our timeline.  I am choosing to cling to this and to have hope that God will bless us with another child, hopefully soon.

We are blessed.  We are blessed with a healthy family, a beautiful child and wonderful friends.  I am thankful for the support that we have received from those wonderful friends the past few days.  The days have been dark for me, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hate that I have so many friends that have experienced this terrible pain, but I am thankful for the support that comes out of it.  If you have called me and I haven’t called you back I apologize – I haven’t called anyone back.  But, I will. I promise.

P.S. If you are a close friend of mine and are finding out about all of this this way, I apologize.  I am just too drained at this point and hope you all understand.

12 comments:

Aggie99 said...

Continued hugs. We love you!

Sarah said...

Recently found your blog.
I recently went through the same thing. If you want to hear more about my journey, you can go back to November. I actually had a post with the same title.
With Christ, you will get through this. With Him, you will make through another day without crying. With Him, you will start to have a peace.
Be good to yourself. Be patient on yourself. And continue to pray as you are grieving (even if you are feeling angry with God!)
Praying for your hurting heart.
Sarah

Brenda Liniger said...

Coming from someone who has experienced the same loss all I can say is that it sucks, big time. You will never forget that sweet angel in heaven and make sure you take as much time as you need to deal with your feelings and the situation. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to mending a broken heart, your family is in my prayers.

Meg said...

meggan--i am so, so sorry. i know there are no words. i literally sit here trying to think of words to type and they are not coming. thank you for sharing with us. feel your grief, feel your anger and let God into those deep, dark places. i have not been where you are but i have spent so many months crying b/c i wanted THAT to be the month and when THE babies God had planned for our family all along were placed into my arms oh the joy!! the exact child(ren) for us, conceived the perfect month...and i believe this for you too, and will pray this for you too. in the meantime, i grieve your loss. prayers being sent!! love ya, sister.

betsy green said...

Meggan, I am praying for you and your family. Remember, God is good EVERY day and HE knows the plans he has for you, to PROSPER you, not to HARM you. Hugs,
Betsy

Scott & Jamie Bauer said...

Meggs,
I want you to know that I am here for you and still praying for y'all. Please call me when you are ready. I love you!
Jamie

kelly said...

meggan - i'm so, so sorry. a miscarriage is such a strange & sad thing to experience & i agree, it's so hard to understand. we had 2 similar experiences between hudson & this baby, so i understand how you feel. i'm thinking of you & praying for comfort & peace.
love you, friend.

Jill said...

I'm so very sad for your loss, Meggan. I will be praying for all three of you as you heal. May the Lord surround you with peace and comfort.

Love,
Jill

Sydney said...

Oh Meggan,
I am so sorry to hear about this. No words can describe your pain- just praying for you sweet friend,
Love,
Syd

Jaime said...

what beautiful honesty, Megg. Love you lady!

Amy said...

praying for you sweet meggan! thank you for your openess and honesty. love you!

Holly said...

I love you, my dear friend. I hate the pain you've been through but I'm thankful for the love and support you have felt from so many who love you. I continue to pray for you all, and I love you very much. Looking forward to spending some time with you this week.