Loss

I hesitated to blog about this because very few people knew to begin with, but I decided to because a) it is cathartic and b) when it comes down to it this blog is for our family history.

On Monday, December 28th Trent and I found out that we were going to have another baby.  We were thrilled to be adding to our little family.  The following Sunday Trent left town for work. And that Tuesday I woke up to find what no pregnant woman wants to find.  I went to the doctor that afternoon to have blood drawn and was told that I had what is called a “threatened miscarriage”.  I was sent home with orders to stay on bedrest until Friday and was told that it could go either way.  I spent the next two days doing nothing but praying.  Thursday I went back for my second blood draw (to see if the levels had doubled).  I came home and went back to bed.  A few hours later, I lost our baby.

To say I am devastated is putting it mildly.  Of course, I knew that the thought of losing a baby was horrifying, but it cannot be put into words how horrible it really is when it happens.  My friend told me today that God blesses us with children for HIS greater purpose when HE is ready to use them, not according to our timeline.  I am choosing to cling to this and to have hope that God will bless us with another child, hopefully soon.

We are blessed.  We are blessed with a healthy family, a beautiful child and wonderful friends.  I am thankful for the support that we have received from those wonderful friends the past few days.  The days have been dark for me, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hate that I have so many friends that have experienced this terrible pain, but I am thankful for the support that comes out of it.  If you have called me and I haven’t called you back I apologize – I haven’t called anyone back.  But, I will. I promise.

P.S. If you are a close friend of mine and are finding out about all of this this way, I apologize.  I am just too drained at this point and hope you all understand.